My Darling Augustina,
My dear, do be a sweetheart and pop over for tea this afternoon with Lady Cecilia, will you? My fiance will be here and I’m dying for him to meet my two closest friends!
Your Bosom Friend,
Darling, I’d be delighted to come! Only I hear Cecilia will not be able to join us, as she is suffering a dreadful cold. Isn’t that just too awful for her?
See you at two!
My dear I wish you could have made it to my party! Better you, than that traitorious snippet, Augustina Rumpaflinkel. She flirted scandously with my Herschel. Fluttered and coqueted and giggled till it was simply sickening! I can never forgive her.
How dreadful. I’m certain I feel for you. I’m not certain but that I haven’t met your fiance. Tell me—is this the Herschel la Heffenmeier of the Germanic-French diamond mines? If so, I had the pleasure of running into him on the Riviera last summer. Simply darling man! You are a lucky lady, my dear.
Well, you certainly missed a fracas! I’m never going to speak to that Winifred Alamacromby again! She had the nerve to say I was flirting with her precious fiance, Herschel la Heffenmeier. As if my head would be turned by a handsome face, muscular physique, and diamond inheritance! What kind of friend does she think I am? Though to be sure, I don’t know what he sees in her. The dumpy little thing!
Dear me, what a tangle of troubles! I’m sure you didn’t mean to do anything. No doubt it was all that la Heffeinmeier’s fault. Yes. Our dear Winnie would be much better off without a man who flirts with any female who comes along. Why I recall last summer on the Riviera…charming man, but indeed, a scandalous flirt!
Never fear, my dear. I shall do what I can to repair the breach between you two.
Ah, wretched me! Have you heard? That rascal, Hershel Von Heffenmeier, has abandoned me and eloped to Gretna Green…with none other than our beloved friend and confident Cecilia Janderpilate! What can I say, my dear friend? I was completely mistaken in which friend I should trust in. Please forgive me, and come to comfort me in my sorrow.
A Repentant Winnifred
My Darling Winnie,
Say no more! All is forgotten! I’m coming over now with two voodoo dolls and some pins. It may not work, but it should certainly relieve your feelings!